Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
