everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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