this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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