So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
