Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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