ya dads aren't the best wingmen
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
