I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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