so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
