So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
