I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
