Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
