Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
