I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't turn off my feet"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
