I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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