He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
