Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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