put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
