I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
