you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
