We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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