Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
