I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
