I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
