So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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