Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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