Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
