what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
