you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
