would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
