Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
