2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
