69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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