I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
