I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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