capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
