i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
