I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
