hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
