he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
