dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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