i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
