i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
