Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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