not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
