I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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