listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
