Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
