We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
