so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
