You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
