I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sponge bath it is.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize