Please, let me fuck your mom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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