Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
