You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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