i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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