Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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