The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
