also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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