We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
