I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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