Already got asked if we're dating
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
