i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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