Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
