At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
