Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
