So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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