i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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