MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
