come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
